I wanted to change my stance on whether Tim O'Brien's character was a coward in "On the Rainy River." By my logic, O'Brien would actually be constricting himself by moving to Canada, where his actions would be largely dictated by possible poverty and a lack of relations. By going to the war, if he survives, he has a greater range of freedoms.
Similarly, if the imagery be considered, I think it is intentional that the woman with the Umbrella is carrying a copy of Plato's Republic, a book throughout which Plato's Socrates voices his opinion on one having obligations to the state because it is a sort of parent to the individual. If O'Brien were to swim across the river he would go through a sort of literary rebirth, and be left an astranged child in a new country, orphaned.
If we look at Hemingway, and the way duty was emphasized, he would be abandoning his duty. O'Brien, doubtless, feels the war was wrong, but seems also to have realized the futility of his "one man stand" against something as nebulous as a war. I agree that the plan seemed childish, if not completely a farce.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I decided on this for my intro and did some extensive editing (really slimmed down my sentences and made things as declarative as possible.)
Nick Adams listens to it crying. He is with his father (the doctor) and uncle George and the Indian woman and its father in the top bed, and Nick wonders. And the quilt is not moving. But Nick scans the room, not noticing. Nick stands alone between the movements. The pin slides through her skin in the doctor’s fingers with alacrity, the fishing line roseate against chiaroscuro. And when it is born and a baby, and the baby is breathing because his father smacked the breath into it, and Nick and his father and Uncle George have cleaned, Uncle George, congratulating, jubilant, lifts up the quilt, and Nick sees the blood. The doctor takes nick’s hand, leads him out to the canoe on the riverbank, only saying what Nick needs to hear to understand. He ignores the other parts as if ignoring the screams of labor. Nick notices.
I've got it italicized because I wanted to emphasize an attempt at nick's perspective that went all...whatever, like with all the "and"s. but i realized a 7 year old probably never read an art book and wouldn't think to call pink roseate. I just didn't think "pinkening" (as it's not really a word) would fly with mr. kizzier. chiaroscuro/odd shadows...no diff, right?
man, i hate having to turn in papers, or any work at all, really.
did i mention I got accepted to college to everyone (build up my confidence before I have to hand in something I had to think about)? happened like a week ago, pretty excited...
See everyone tommorrow
Nick Adams listens to it crying. He is with his father (the doctor) and uncle George and the Indian woman and its father in the top bed, and Nick wonders. And the quilt is not moving. But Nick scans the room, not noticing. Nick stands alone between the movements. The pin slides through her skin in the doctor’s fingers with alacrity, the fishing line roseate against chiaroscuro. And when it is born and a baby, and the baby is breathing because his father smacked the breath into it, and Nick and his father and Uncle George have cleaned, Uncle George, congratulating, jubilant, lifts up the quilt, and Nick sees the blood. The doctor takes nick’s hand, leads him out to the canoe on the riverbank, only saying what Nick needs to hear to understand. He ignores the other parts as if ignoring the screams of labor. Nick notices.
I've got it italicized because I wanted to emphasize an attempt at nick's perspective that went all...whatever, like with all the "and"s. but i realized a 7 year old probably never read an art book and wouldn't think to call pink roseate. I just didn't think "pinkening" (as it's not really a word) would fly with mr. kizzier. chiaroscuro/odd shadows...no diff, right?
man, i hate having to turn in papers, or any work at all, really.
did i mention I got accepted to college to everyone (build up my confidence before I have to hand in something I had to think about)? happened like a week ago, pretty excited...
See everyone tommorrow
Melinda's paper
I just read melinda's paper, and enjoyed it much more than most school papers.
There are few things I can suggest for your introduction. It's epistolary, and starting it anyway other than "dear friend" might be difficult, or a bad idea.
I thought you did a good job of capturing the voice of an 18th century person. And I liked how things seemed to double for this or that, instrumens=poe's voice.
The only concern I can think of is its length (big spaces between paragraphs), but I imagine it will be all right and think it's complete as is.
There are few things I can suggest for your introduction. It's epistolary, and starting it anyway other than "dear friend" might be difficult, or a bad idea.
I thought you did a good job of capturing the voice of an 18th century person. And I liked how things seemed to double for this or that, instrumens=poe's voice.
The only concern I can think of is its length (big spaces between paragraphs), but I imagine it will be all right and think it's complete as is.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Melinda's Writer's Response
ENGL 252 Kizzier
Writer’s Response 1
What kind of intro are you using? Why?
I guess I would say that I am using a thought-provoking idea, statement.
What do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
I like my choice of form. I chose to write my paper in letter form. One of Chekov’s characters, Iona, speaks to Roderick Usher empathizing with his “plight.” I draw interesting and vivid comparisons between both of their lives in order to illuminate Poe’s choice of mood and setting. The darkness that hangs over the house also hangs in Iona’s heart and that made for a dimensional parallel. I was surprised with how easily the paper took form. I am hopeful that what needs to be conveyed comes through; my one concern is that maybe points might be ambiguous. Tried to convey, or mimic, Poe’s style…but may not be specific enough.
What would you work on if you had more time? Why? Try and be specific and please, no comments about grammar.
I am concerned that I have read both pieces closely enough. As stated before, I am hoping that the paper’s points along with my assessment of Poe’s style, comes through. Paper is “packed” emotionally; that may or not be a good thing. I am very happy with the prose. Not in clear essay form.
Writer’s Response 1
What kind of intro are you using? Why?
I guess I would say that I am using a thought-provoking idea, statement.
What do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
I like my choice of form. I chose to write my paper in letter form. One of Chekov’s characters, Iona, speaks to Roderick Usher empathizing with his “plight.” I draw interesting and vivid comparisons between both of their lives in order to illuminate Poe’s choice of mood and setting. The darkness that hangs over the house also hangs in Iona’s heart and that made for a dimensional parallel. I was surprised with how easily the paper took form. I am hopeful that what needs to be conveyed comes through; my one concern is that maybe points might be ambiguous. Tried to convey, or mimic, Poe’s style…but may not be specific enough.
What would you work on if you had more time? Why? Try and be specific and please, no comments about grammar.
I am concerned that I have read both pieces closely enough. As stated before, I am hoping that the paper’s points along with my assessment of Poe’s style, comes through. Paper is “packed” emotionally; that may or not be a good thing. I am very happy with the prose. Not in clear essay form.
Reader's response for Mark
What kind of intro is the author using? Suggest a way to use another effective one.
The author uses an effective intro in the fact that he manages to state the purpose of the essay without outright restating the prompt. He goes on to use vivid, attention-catching imagery that draws the reader into the piece. It may be a little too wordy, but it doesn’t detract from the overall understandability of the paragraph.
Where is the author describing a scene from one of the stories? Suggest at least one other scene from a story the author could use.
The author chooses several scenes from the Hemmingway stories that effectively support his purpose. He uses examples from “Indian camp” and “The battler” to describe the symbols that mark Nick’s transformation from a child into a man, and how these relate to defining moments in the stories (“…mist, sawdust or the presence of a swamp—that indicates the beginning of a suspenseful moment.”)
Personally, I think he pretty well covered all of the relevant scenes that could be used throughout the selection of stories he analyzed, and don’t really have any suggestions in this respect.
List any paragraphs where you were confused or unclear about the author‘s intention or meaning. What made it unclear? How could it be said more coherently?
I don’t think that any one paragraph really was unclear, but the author might benefit from using more concise ways of explaining what he is trying to convey with this piece. The descriptions are very vivid, but I got a bit distracted by the wordiness and became a bit lost about the second page. The concept is there, it could just use a bit of condensing.
The author uses an effective intro in the fact that he manages to state the purpose of the essay without outright restating the prompt. He goes on to use vivid, attention-catching imagery that draws the reader into the piece. It may be a little too wordy, but it doesn’t detract from the overall understandability of the paragraph.
Where is the author describing a scene from one of the stories? Suggest at least one other scene from a story the author could use.
The author chooses several scenes from the Hemmingway stories that effectively support his purpose. He uses examples from “Indian camp” and “The battler” to describe the symbols that mark Nick’s transformation from a child into a man, and how these relate to defining moments in the stories (“…mist, sawdust or the presence of a swamp—that indicates the beginning of a suspenseful moment.”)
Personally, I think he pretty well covered all of the relevant scenes that could be used throughout the selection of stories he analyzed, and don’t really have any suggestions in this respect.
List any paragraphs where you were confused or unclear about the author‘s intention or meaning. What made it unclear? How could it be said more coherently?
I don’t think that any one paragraph really was unclear, but the author might benefit from using more concise ways of explaining what he is trying to convey with this piece. The descriptions are very vivid, but I got a bit distracted by the wordiness and became a bit lost about the second page. The concept is there, it could just use a bit of condensing.
mark's response to cat's paper
ENGL 252 Kizzier
Writer’s Response 1
1. What kind of intro is the author using? Suggest a way to use another effective one.
Cat seems to have the beginning of the contradiction thing. But it is not very strong, if there is one. Cat may consider using an introduction that…illustrates the unreliability of the narrator?
2. Where is the author describing a scene from one of the stories? Suggest at least one other scene from a story the author could use. do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
The first paragraph includes a description. The author may use a scene from the oblong box more toward the end, when the main character begins to seem a little off, just to give the audience an inclination of her ultimate means.
3. List any paragraphs where you were confused or unclear about the author‘s intention or meaning. What made it unclear? How could it be said more coherently?
As of this far, everything flows more smoothly than I could make it. Continue to use your outline. It looks like you know where you’re going (more than I can say).
Writer’s Response 1
1. What kind of intro is the author using? Suggest a way to use another effective one.
Cat seems to have the beginning of the contradiction thing. But it is not very strong, if there is one. Cat may consider using an introduction that…illustrates the unreliability of the narrator?
2. Where is the author describing a scene from one of the stories? Suggest at least one other scene from a story the author could use. do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
The first paragraph includes a description. The author may use a scene from the oblong box more toward the end, when the main character begins to seem a little off, just to give the audience an inclination of her ultimate means.
3. List any paragraphs where you were confused or unclear about the author‘s intention or meaning. What made it unclear? How could it be said more coherently?
As of this far, everything flows more smoothly than I could make it. Continue to use your outline. It looks like you know where you’re going (more than I can say).
ENGL 252 Kizzier
Writer’s Response 1
1. What kind of intro are you using? Why?
My intro is sort of a question. I would like to change it to an anecdote in order to excite and mirror the scenes I rely on in order to interest. A question may work if I can make it flow more smoothly, and make it seem as though I’m asking it instead of giving an example of one.
2. What do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
I like some of my sentences, but not all of them. But some of them are neat, long, and I think certain ones said something close to what I wanted. I also think my paper does an alright job of moving between the three stories I chose.
3. What would you work on if you had more time? Why? Try and be specific and please, no comments about grammar. I would work on my introduction because it is lifeless. I also may try to include more from the first story. My closing could use some work also. It wraps things up the way a children’s movie does. And parts of my paper could flow more smoothly, or be tighter… I really don’t like it and will be revising it until I have to hand it in.
Writer’s Response 1
1. What kind of intro are you using? Why?
My intro is sort of a question. I would like to change it to an anecdote in order to excite and mirror the scenes I rely on in order to interest. A question may work if I can make it flow more smoothly, and make it seem as though I’m asking it instead of giving an example of one.
2. What do you like best about your paper right now? Why?
I like some of my sentences, but not all of them. But some of them are neat, long, and I think certain ones said something close to what I wanted. I also think my paper does an alright job of moving between the three stories I chose.
3. What would you work on if you had more time? Why? Try and be specific and please, no comments about grammar. I would work on my introduction because it is lifeless. I also may try to include more from the first story. My closing could use some work also. It wraps things up the way a children’s movie does. And parts of my paper could flow more smoothly, or be tighter… I really don’t like it and will be revising it until I have to hand it in.
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